Another Flare or Just Too Much?

Pretty sure I'm hitting a Fibro flare.

The past week or two has been great. I've been getting things done. Cleaning, doing stuff for mom while she's been down the past two months with a pinched nerve in her neck, doing stuff for everyone, kicking ass inside the house, outside of the house, you name it.

The past two days, I've woken up completely exhausted, like I haven't slept at all. Yesterday I had a headache all day for the first time non-cycle related since I reached the top of my topamax titration.

I just can't get moving today. I feel so heavy, like I have weights attached to every part of my body, even my eyelids and face. Even taking a breath is harder than usual. I feel so physically exhausted I don't even have the words to describe it. The pain isn't really there, yet. But if this truly is another flare after my brief remission, I know it will be.

I know I probably overdid it in the two weeks that I was doing so much cleaning and other work. But it was stuff that needed done, and stuff that no one else was physically able to do. Even if it is a flare, though, I can't just stop. With the situation at  home like it is, there's too much that needs done that really is depending on me to do it. Mom still has a pretty long road to recovery ahead of her, I think. Dad's war wounds are bothering him more these days. My brother's own disabilities are really limiting his ability to help out around the house. That's three out of four people eliminated.

They do what they can when they can, sometimes they do more than they should, especially dad these days, but thankfully he's listening when we tell him to stop doing something or to take it easy. I kind of have a household riding on my shoulders at the moment, and it's a heavy load to bear, more so with the level of fatigue I'm feeling right now. I know I need to stop and rest. But I really can't, not a lot anyway. There's too much that needs done. I have to push through, I don't have much of a choice.

The only thing that I know to do now is to pray to God that He will give me the strength I need to get through this and help support my family through these rough times. I don't know why He gave me these disabilities and limitations, why He decided I should have these burdens... I was so very angry with Him for so much of my life because of it. But I'm not anymore. I realize that I can help people because of my problems - I can give them advice on what's worked for me and offer suggestions for things that may help. Whatever His plan is for me, I know my disabilities factor into them somehow. I just have to have faith and perseverance to get through the rough patches - and so far, I always have.