Spoonie Problems Vol. 1 - Sleep

Sleeping as a Spoonie can be a major problem. I don't need to tell ye Spoonies this, but for the non-Spoonies reading, well, be prepared to be informed, LOL.

There's the times where we're exhausted from depression but cannot sleep due to anxiety gnawing away at us. There's the times where we're battling a flare and are completely worn out, but the pain keeps us awake. So in essence, we desperately need sleep to help reduce the pain, but the pain keeps us awake so we can't sleep to reduce the pain...vicious cycle. When we -do- finally manage to fall asleep, often the sleep is broken by aches and pains waking us throughout the night, or by vivid and unpleasant dreams. Or some combination of the two.

If one has IBS or some other digestive disorder, sleep also becomes problematic because you never know when you'll be making a mad dash for the toilet because of something you ate that was perfectly fine yesterday to eat that your stomach says 'nope, not today!' on.

Then there are those times where you're just awake, for no good reason whatsoever. You're completely physically exhausted in every way possible, even just moving your arm feels like you have a ten pound weight attached to it. But your mind is so wide awake, it's like someone gave the hamster on the wheel in there a boatload of sugar. Your thoughts may or may not be racing, that part can vary, but, you're just. Awake. No matter how hard you try, you can't sleep. You can lie in the dark for hours on end and just be awake, driving yourself crazy because you're so damn bored  and frustrated you want to scream and bash your head into a wall. You may be able, eventually, to snag a couple of hours of sleep. Or this may go on for as many as 72 hours or more before you can finally crash out; for myself, I tend to have cycles when these fits occur. I'll not sleep anywhere from 24-48 hours, sleep for anywhere from 6-12 hours, and repeat the process for as long as two weeks before it finally breaks and I can get regular sleep again.

Many chronic illnesses come with sleep disorders; Fibromyalgia, Elhers-Danlos Syndrome, Lupus, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Sjogren's Syndrome all do, just off the top of my head. Somehow they futz with our internal clocks, some people more than others, as not every patient is the same, and in my case, sleep aids do next to nothing to help except turn me into a zombie after the 1-2 hours I sleep.

And truthfully, no matter whether we sleep on a normal schedule or a wonky one, we still tend to wake up drained, as though we barely slept at all. We don't get much restorative sleep when we sleep, so our bodies don't get the same amount of healing time during rest as a normal person, leading to that fatigue when we wake up. The only time I don't wake up feeling exhausted is when I manage to sleep a solid 12-14 hours two or three days in a row. Those times are rare, but they happen, and I wake up feeling actually rested for a change by the second or third day.

Currently I'm sitting here, having slept about 9 hours, feeling like I haven't slept in days. I'm barely holding my eyes open, moving is a feat in and of itself, and the day is far from over. I'm in the middle of a Fibro flare that's been going on for probably 3 months now, and while it's had its brief lulls where it's been more tolerable, the fatigue has been ever-present and absolutely overwhelming. I think it's been brought on by having been doing too much for a while, and extended by getting sick off and on throughout the flare. I'm hoping it'll let up soon, so I can start feeling remotely human again. It'd be a nice change of pace.

I hope you're doing well, Spoonies, and that your bodies are being kind to you; and that you are being kind to yourselves. :)

An Ode To the Spoonie Community

So much is strange in this life full of illness,
Nothing works right, too much pain, why must I feel this?
Spoons hell, these days I need ladles,
Every day it seems like I get more diagnostic labels.

I was a kid when all of this began
But I'm strong, I'll fight, it's just who I am.
I won't let it beat me, I won't let it keep me down,
'Yeah, right, who you kidding?' It whispers, when no one's around.

That's the struggle, you see, it's not just the pain,
It's yourself, your mind, it makes you doubt if you're sane!
"Am I really sick? Am I just crazy?"
"Maybe they're right. Maybe I am just lazy."
How many times have you thought the same?
How many times has your brain played the game?
You just thought about it, you just lost, you see,
No, not that game, the other one; your enemy.

You're stronger than you think, you're stronger than you know.
You smile when you wanna cry, you laugh instead of scream, the pain doesn't show!
We all wear that mask, we all fight through this shit,
We all crawl and struggle our way out of the pit.
The one so full of pain and despair,
So real that it burns and it claws and it tears.

We reach out for help, we reach out for a hand,
We reach out praying to God for someone to understand!
But no one does...not our friends, not our family...
We're alone, in the pain, the fatigue, the misery.
Until we discover each other, right as we're about to fall,
A hand grabs our own, and suddenly we hear a voice call,
"It's okay, I'm here, I understand. I know your pain, it's real, not in your head."
And suddenly that thousand pound weight on our ankles lifts along with our dread,
And for the first time, we can smile and laugh, and we can hold up our heads!

We have each other, forever and always you see,
All together, one and all, the Spoonie Community.
We overcome race, gender, and orientation,
Religion, politics, and geographic location.
We span the world, one hand in the other,
Brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers.
We help each other feel less alone, we know we're there,
And most of all, we know there are always people who care.

It doesn't matter now, what trouble may come my way,
Because I'll never face it alone, not any second, of any day.

~ Namaste

Finding Ways To Live

I'm very sorry it's been so long since I've posted on this blog - and moreover since I've done a post relating to chronic illness! Everything else seems to have kind of taken over, but I have a secondary blog for that, now, so there's that, ahaha.

There truly is one recurring theme, or would, perhaps, the better term be phrase? That I see amongst my fellow Spoonies, and that often is, 'I just want to find a way to live my life.' And isn't that really the gist of it all? Even for lifers like me, who genuinely have very little to no memories - if ever they had a life before, for those born with their illness(es) - of life before illness, finding ways to live their lives in the face of chronic illness is truly a constant and ongoing struggle. Some illnesses are more obtrusive than others, some are progressive, some aren't, and some people seem to have more and more illnesses just heap onto their heads like mounds of snow as they slide down a hill in an avalanche of 'what the hell just happened?'

Maintaining any sense of normalcy can be hard, or even impossible, on some - if not many or any, for some of us - days, yet I think it's the one thing we all strive for, the one thing we all fight for on this battlefield in the war we wage with our own bodies every second of every day. Sometimes, finding ways to simplify getting around can feel like giving in - using assistance devices, for example, often makes me feel as though I'm "caving in" to the pain and weakness in my knees and hips from the Fibro and EDSM (Elhers-Danlos Syndrome Hypermobile-Type). The days I have to use the little motor scooters in the stores? Even worse.

Lately, accomplishing anything has been the biggest challenge for me, my heart hasn't been cooperating with wanting to do much, and I begin to greatly wonder if I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome(POTS, for short) as my symptoms alter and alleviate depending on, you guessed it, my position whether sitting, lying down, or standing. I plan on bringing up a tilt-table test with my cardiologist when I see him in December.

Still, in spite of this, I still try to find ways to deal, to stay active, whether it's finding exercises I can do in bed (pull your minds out of the gutter, now, LOL!) on my absolute worst days, or pushing through the pain and fatigue, which in and of themselves are often overwhelming, throwing on ACE bandages and joint braces, and exercising anyway until my heart starts to throw a fit. A body in motion stays in motion and inactivity is the root of many evils with the Spoonie body, in a lot of cases. Sometimes these exercise bursts just wind up being one-woman dance parties to work up a good sweat - it's silly, it's fun, it's good cardio, and usually I throw some weights in my hands and get some upper body strength training in in the process (when I can find the blasted things.)

But there are always, always those days where the physical and mental symptoms combine to kick me onto my ass where I can't seem to will myself to do much but read or binge watch some Netflix. You know what? Those days are okay, too. Because that, too, is a part of finding a way to live with my illness. Those days of listening to my body and mind and giving them what they need are just as important as pushing through everything with my proverbial middle finger in the air to the pain, because our bodies need that downtime, too, far more often than those of able-bodied people.

All in all, we all have to find ways to live with our illnesses, not just survive with them. If you find ways to accomplish tasks, if you find ways to do things you enjoy, if you find ways to laugh and smile throughout the day in spite of your illnesses, you aren't just struggling, you aren't just surviving, you're living, and that is something to be damn proud of.

Romantic Relationships as a Spoonie (And Why I'm Jaded)

So, the About Me thing is tiny. Teeeeny really. There wasn't enough room for me to really go into details about being a Spoonie (A person with one or more chronic illnesses) or anything like that... And then I discovered the blog area and went, "Ah ha!"

The truth is, I'm mostly on here to find friends. I've become jaded to the aspiration of finding a husband and ever having children though this has been a long-held dream. Why? Because... I'm a Spoonie. Now, before you jump in and say anything (Can you comment? I don't know, but, just the same, keep reading) allow me to explain.

I've been living with my chronic illnesses and daily chronic pain since I was ten years old; I turn 30 in December. I can count on one hand the number of romantic relationships I've been in, and only two of them became serious; I was engaged twice, and married once. That marriage lasted eight months before we separated and then legally divorced. Now, this man I married, whom we shall call Joe, no, no, I like that name... Um. Jack. Jack works, that's nice and common. I had known Jack for YEARS. We gamed together all the time, we Skyped, we talked about real life, we stayed up late laughing our asses off at the stupid stuff we came up with or that happened in game and in real life, some of which in spite of my bitter feelings toward him still make me smile and laugh to this day.

Jack knew everything about me, and about my illnesses. He knew there were days I literally could not get out of bed without help, even to walk the six or so feet from my own door to the bathroom door where the counter would be available to support me. Tack on the distance from where my bed was...oh, about nine feet in all. My mother, who at the time was in her early 60s,  had to help me out of the bed and to the bathroom due to the joint and muscle pain I have. I had to miss doctor appointments because I was too sick to go in, if that isn't ironic, I don't know what is. I had and still have migraines that can last for up to ten days at a time, where the tiniest sound or the most dim light is excruciatingly painful.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" You may ask... Well, you can google these yourself, buuuuut. I have Fibromyalgia, I have hypermobile type Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, I have a type 1 Arnold-Chiari malformation, I have chronic fatigue syndrome, have degenerative disc disease, I have cervical ridiculopathy, I have arthritis in my knees, and most likely in my hips, I have sciatica, I have depression, I have anxiety, I have bipolar affective disorder, I have chronic insomnia, I have irritable bowel...well, to be honest, I have a 3" thick file of medical records. That's what I have. I have too many acronyms. That's what I have. I also have some unknown heart condition that I'm currently in testing for; it isn't beating right - early A-fib, for those of you who know what that is. What they're going to do about it depends on the results of the test. The heart thing is new. The rest? Was already there.

He knew.

Now, the thing about chronic illnesses and chronic pain is the fact that one day, I can be bedridden, needing my mom or crutches to get to the bathroom and back to my bed, and by the time I get back from that, I'm so exhausted I have to take a nap! I'm not even joking. But them, the very next day, I'm just fine and able to conquer the world and do anything a normal person does. It follows no rhyme or reason, no schedule. Sometimes, I can have weeks or months of remission before the chronic pain train runs me over again.

The first few months we were married, I was in a remission. I think it was in part due to the climate change - I moved from Indiana to Arizona. But then I got sick with a nasty strep infection, and wham. Everything snowballed. I couldn't be the perfect maid/housewife anymore, leaving the house spotless and having dinner ready when he got home from his desk job so he could sit and play games and smoke pot all evening. I was also dealing with a surge of depression, mostly, I think, from being so horribly homesick. I've always been very close with my family, and they were across the country. So I began to do what I always do when I'm in extreme physical and/or emotional pain. I began to recluse. That is my fault, my error, in this whole mess. I shut myself in our bedroom, hiding away from everything, suffering my pain in silence. I told him about it, when he asked, but in spite of his insurance we could magically never afford a doctor, yet we always had money for him to get takeout or him to buy pot. Amazing.

I wasn't aware that we were actually having -marital- problems. I wasn't. He never said anything. The house was going to hell in a hand basket because he and our roommate apparently had no idea how to wash a dish or clean up after themselves, so it fell to me to clean the literally molding dishes while I was in tears from pain because neither one of them could bother to. I did that once, and I couldn't do it again. Neither one of them could do the grocery shopping, either. Jack bugged me about our being low on groceries, so I suggested he go, but he refused to go without me. I think he simply thought I was being lazy.
Food supplies dwindled, and eventually, while Jack and our roommate were getting takeout because he picked our roommate up from work on his way home (rarely if ever thinking to get anything for me) I subsisted on canned mixed vegetables and peanut butter sandwiches when the ramen finally ran out. Jack meanwhile commented to my mother on the phone, I later found out, that I was looking great because I had even lost weight. Yeah, jackass, I was starving! I also later found out from my mother and eldest brother that he was talking to them, and his family, about our marital problems but not to me; he was talking to everyone BUT me, I had no idea anything was wrong, at all. He was a very non-confrontational individual, but that was ridiculous.
On the night we decided to divorce, my mother called me to warn me he had filed papers and was planning to just spring it on me out of nowhere. MY MOM KNEW I WAS GETTING A DIVORCE BEFORE I DID! How screwed is that?

But ... digressing... All of that has made me so horribly, horribly jaded about getting into a romantic relationship as a Spoonie. Yes, I am an excellent housewife when I have the ability; I will keep the house spotless and I will cook you a kickass dinner that will be ready or nearly ready the second you walk in the house from work, because I see that as my contribution as I can't work. But when I don't have the ability... That's where the problems lie. When I don't have the energy to even take care of MYSELF. How am I supposed to take care of anything else? How am I suppose to expect there's anyone out there... Anyone at all... Willing to deal with that shit? With the regular doctor visits, with the necessary regular testing, with the unpredictable nature of my illnesses.... I can barely deal with it, so... How can I expect,or even ask, anyone else to?

I've been told I'm a great person, I'm kind, I'm generous, I'm loving and compassionate, and all that. That may be true, but... I'm also honest. Especially with myself. Sometimes, maybe a little too much. I honestly can't see someone wanting to deal with this, no matter what they think of me, no matter how great of a person I may or may not be.... And why would I want them to when I know they could be happier and have a less complicated life with someone else? And...truthfully... How could I have children knowing I might pass this hell onto them?

Maybe this is the depression talking. Or maybe.... For once... I'm just being real with myself and telling myself to just... Give it up. Hang up the dream and just... I don't know. Become an old cat lady. Or something.

A Message to Feminists from An Anti-Feminist Egalitarian

There's something you need to know about me, and many anti-feminists (not all, I know for a fact, but many) especially if you are a feminist reading this.

Just because I am a anti-feminist does not mean I automatically dislike you. In fact, I probably don't unless you give me good reason. If you stand for equality, if you advocate men's issues as well as women's issues, if you recognize that racism has no boundaries, that poverty affects everyone, that disability can strike anyone, that rapists and abusers can be of any gender? We're not enemies. We're allies, we're fighting for the same cause. We simply fight under different banners. You're Gryffindor, I'm Hufflepuff. We're cool.

There's only one thing that WILL make me have a problem with you; haranguing me, badgering me, and otherwise attacking me for NOT being a feminist and trying to make me assume the label. I am an egalitarian. I CHOSE, of my own free will, of my own freedom of choice, of my own equality to make that choice, the label of egalitarian. To badger and attack me for doing so is not only anti-equality, it's misogynistic. You're saying that a woman can't choose any label but feminism for equality, because she obviously isn't intelligent enough to make the choice for herself. That. Is. Misogyny.

I've done the research, I've done the reading, I've spent more hours than many would ever spend even in college courses doing so, and I have made my choice. I am not stupid. I am not ignorant. I am not uneducated. I am not. Your. Enemy. Do you understand that?

Now, perhaps explaining to you why I chose to disassociate from the label will help you understand why I am so passionate in said disassociation.

I do understand that there are many feminists that are for equality, that are truly my allies in this war we fight to help men, to help the impoverished and oppressed, and to bring to light the true facts about rape and abuse as well as cease male genital mutilation as female genital mutilation has long been illegal in this country, and to also shed light on the REAL issues that women face - and I'm not talking the crap teenagers whine about on Tumblr that's just daily living for every individual, not just women, or the myth of the wage gap (that even feminism has disproven by now) but the fact that women need to take control of their own lives and education, and be responsible for what fields they enter; that women need to encourage their daughters to be confident and strong, and also encourage a healthy relationship with their fathers even if the parents are separated. (This goes for the sons too.) That women need to stop behaving like victims yet cry misogyny when they get treated as such; these are the issues we need to control right now, as women.

Yes, we need more women in STEM. But that is also a choice. Gender Studies majoring won't help with that, nor will it necessarily provide you an equal wage to that of a man who took a degree in Architechture. That is where responsibility comes in, too. We are responsible for our lives, for our education, for our futures, and that is a message that needs to be resonated throughout society as a whole. Men aren't responsible for us, we are.

That aside, the rest of the feminists, and sadly, these are becoming the majority despite anecdotal evidence, are creating a toxic core of misandry, misogyny, racism, and from some even transphobia within the movement. They don't want equality, they want female supremacy. They blame men for everything, they infantilize women as a whole, women are helpless, blameless victims always, and are never expected to take responsibility for anything. Anyone who questions them or the holy church of feminism is attacked, bullied, belittled, mocked, shamed, and even stalked and attacked offline. They shame any woman who is thin and fit and dares be feminine or show off her body while turning around and praising the same of any heavy woman (while I applaud body positivity, it must be equal!) and will harass any man who dares to comment on anything they post because they're men so what would they know and what right have they to speak?

I have never, not ever, faced as much misogyny from anyone, in any place, or from any group of people, as I have from these women. I'm talking a level of misogyny that would completely make them lose their fucking MINDS and explode their internet if it came from a man. I've been called a stupid brainwashed whore, I've been called a slut, I've been told I should be beaten and raped, I've been mocked BECAUSE I was raped and told 'See that's why you need feminism!' I'm not making any of this up; and there's more, but really, I don't even want to think about the worst shit... And yeah, it gets worse than that. All of that simply because I disagree with them. And I didn't even do so meanly. I rarely do. I just ask a question, or politely state an opposing view, and they flip their lids. It's ridiculous. And it isn't just me - I've talked to literally over 100 women who have faced this very same thing, by dozens of women, each, if not more, on Facebook, on Twitter, and on Tumblr. One woman had to delete her Tumblr because the harassment was so intense she nearly committed suicide, and you can find stories similar to hers all over. Feminists are bullying and shaming women into mental breakdowns and legitimate suicide attempts all over social media simply because they aren't feminists. How dare they, right?

Then you have the people who, when you pose a point, go on a delusional rant, call YOU closed minded, and then block you before you even get a chance to respond. They don't want a conversation. They want sanctimony, self-satisfaction, and censorship while proclaiming it's for "equality." No, equality is letting BOTH SIDES SPEAK. You can't pick and choose when it comes to equality. Yet I've been blocked by so many feminists I don't even KNOW simply because I'm an anti-fem, or because of people I follow. They don't want to hear another viewpoint besides their own, they aren't interested in anything besides what feminists have to say. They don't want anything but censorship of all outside views. This is called an echo chamber. It isn't healthy, and in fact actually promotes mental instability, mental illness, and stunts emotional and intellectual growth. (Seriously, you can research that.)

These people don't want equality. They don't. This is the movement you are a part of now. This is what it has become. This is why I am an anti-feminist and am an egalitarian and why you will never, ever shove the brand of feminism onto my skin no matter how hard you try.

True equality is promotion of freedom of speech for all, even if you don't like it. It's equal rights and treatment for all, even if you don't like it (*Cough NDAA cough*), it's equal freedom of expression for everyone, even if you don't like it. You don't HAVE to like it, hell, you can even say you don't like it - that's your right. But you DO have to tolerate and accept it, if you truly are for equality.

And that includes letting other people decide not to be feminists without hounding them and trying to convert them.

Thank you for reading, and as always, feel free to comment below.

The Truth About Anti-Feminists & Why I Advocate For Men

SO, I know this blog has strayed a fair bit from its title (Maybe I should change it; suggestions?) as my posts invariably meander more towards social issues, political issues, etc, along with chronic illnesses and the like. That is a trend that isn't likely to change any time soon, and this post isn't going to be any different.

Feminism is at the forefront yet again. Lately I - and other women of my ilk - have been getting judged more and more simply on the fact that we're anti-feminist without the individual taking any consideration of, nor any time to learn about, who we are as individuals. They assume we surround ourselves with misogynists, or that we have internalized misogyny. They assume we aren't for equality. They assume we're all from one political party, even.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. Anti-feminists are as diverse a group as feminists are in color, height, weight, religion, political party and sexuality. We aren't misogynists, we don't have internalized misogyny, and the overwhelming majority of us (there are always exceptions to any group) are pro-equality.

Speaking for myself, the very core of my attitudes on equality, the people I seek to help and advocate the most for aren't, in fact, women - they're men. This also gets me a lot of flak, but really, an equality movement shouldn't condemn me for this. You see, men need advocates - not only from their own sex, but they need women, too, to realize that they have issues, many of them the very same that women face, and some areas, as I've mentioned in other blogs and will briefly rehash here, women have the upper hand on.

Since the FBI's change of definition of rape in 2012 (largely thanks to feminism) being 'forced penetration' men can, by law, no longer be raped by women. They can only be sexually assaulted which is a much lesser, and far more trivializing, crime. Forced engulfment happens and quite often - perhaps even almost as often as forced penetration of male-on-female rape - but because of the number of victims who don't come forward and the change in the definition of rape, the actual statistics are extremely difficult to calculate. Male-on-male rape happens frequently as well; and men too have, just like women, to watch their drinks and ensure they aren't slipped a drug, and be wary when out and about alone at night lest they be attacked. Men aren't invulnerable, in fact, men are more likely to be mugged than women. This is something that not only needs to be considered but brought into understanding.

Domestic violence is also an issue; men are victims quite nearly equally to women, and often the female is the aggressor. In reciprocal violence, it's been found that women are equally as violent in the relationship as men, though, as I've mentioned before, if police are called, only the man would go to jail unless he himself has marks on his person. There are many, many, many domestic violence shelters and hotlines in this country for women, yet only one shelter for men, and I'm unsure if there's even a hotline for men. Perhaps one? Two? This is an area that is woefully kept in the shadows and needs to be pulled into the light; domestic violence in any form, to any gender, has to stop. A man may have the muscle to take the blows of a woman, but the emotional damage is still there, the psychological damage is still there, and it is STILL ABUSE. It isn't funny or cute or being a strong woman to hit a man. It's being an abuser.

As I mentioned jail above, let's go over that - if a man commits a crime, and a woman commits the same crime, the man will always get the harsher sentence. Always. Hell, a woman videotaped herself raping her one year old son and got a slap on the wrist. 8 months probation I think it was? (Correct me if I'm wrong, please; it may have been 8 months in jail. Just the same. Ridiculously light sentence for that shit.) Women teachers have sex with students all the time and walk away without jail time. Men? BEHIND BARS YOU GO! Always. It doesn't matter WHAT the crime is, men will receive harsher sentencing. It's almost as if the criminal justice system is telling women, 'Aww, you poor thing, you have a uterus, it's okay if you act out and break the law, we understand.' It's disgusting, and it needs to stop. Equal time for equal crime!

Then there's genital mutilation. Circumcision. Yeah, it's elective. But it's become so common it's ABNORMAL for parents -not- to do it. You're literally mutilating the penis of your baby without his consent, because he can't fucking consent, forever. It needs to stop. There's no benefit to doing it, in fact there are drawbacks to doing it - multiple - and yet people just keep on chopping off the foreskins! How about leaving it alone and if, when that baby grows up into an adult, he can decide for himself to get it done if he chooses to. Circumcision can be done as an adult, it isn't too uncommon actually. So in this day and age of recognition of  bodily autonomy, why are we taking away the bodily autonomy of our sons in such a way? Changing his body forever in a way that can never be undone? Let him decide when he's old enough and mature enough to make the decision himself.

Lastly, stop shitting on men just because they're men. Seriously. I see the #NotAllWomen hashtag, and even the #YesAllWomen hashtag, because some of you are bold enough to attempt to speak for an entire gender (and by the way, half of the yes all women shit I disagree with, so no, not all women) for whatever reason, but if you can sit there and do that, why is it so hard for you to even entertain the idea of, much less accept, the fact that not all men are the same? Because they're not. Literally every single man is different because... *GASP* THEY'RE INDIVIDUALS. OMG! WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT THAT?! Stop treating an entire gender like shit because some of them are assholes. Yes, some men are rapists, but guess what? So are some women. And some ducks. And some Dolphins. And my friend's dog to my leg. (Yes, I'm half-joking here, but really, I have to or I'm going to break something.) The only thing treating anyone like shit is going to do is make you look like a horrible person, and if you're getting your rocks off on treating someone like shit? You really ARE a horrible person.


All of that being said. Men, if I've left anything out, or if there's something you'd like my view on as a woman, feel free to drop me a comment or zap me a DM on Twitter ( @librumtinia )

Feminists, if you have anything to contend, the same goes with you.

Anyone else, if you have anything to say, any questions, comments, etc, drop a comment or a DM!

#TrumpGirlsBreakTheInternet ? Nope, But The Comments Are Breaking My Brain

(Note: Some of you have noticed the lack of italics and such lately; iPad hates blogger beyond a certain post length and formatting doesn't carry over from word programs. So I use - and caps and the like when I'm writing on iPad.)

Right, so. Those of us on Twitter have seen the trending hashtag, right? #TrumpGirlsBreakTheInternet? Yeah that one. Well, let me lay down some shit for you people right about now.

First and foremost, I'm a Liberal - before you get all judgey, Conservatives, keep reading. I don't like Trump as a person. I don't. He's a douche. I have the same sentiment regarding Hillary, honestly, except I actually trust her -less.- That woman has so many faces even Hel be like 'Dayum girl, who does your makeup?!' (Props if you get that Norse mythology reference.)

HOWEVER. Regardless of who I do or don't like, hell, regardless of who YOU do or don't like... EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN THIS COUNTRY! THAT IS A PART OF OUR CONSTITUTION. They have the right to vote for who they choose and to support who they choose, and for the feminists out there, slut shaming these women and literally egging them in person? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MISOGYNISTS? Isn't that what you're supposed to be fighting AGAINST? Or is it only misogyny when men do it, giving you a convenient little loophole to be evil bitches (Hey, if it's okay for you, it's okay for me) to other women who don't go along with your views?

If you want to shame, mock, belittle, and condemn these women simply because of how they look, and what they wear... Wait, isn't that the very same thing you complain about every single day on Tumblr and Twitter, and every other platform you can manage? Stop being such hypocrites!

If these women want to support and vote for Trump, that's their Constitutional right and their choice. I support their freedom of choice, their rights, and their freedom of expression. How is it I, an anti-feminist, am more "feminist" by what feminists claim feminism is about than the feminists I see putting these women down?!

Knock it off, stop behaving like children, and let people do what they're going to do! So what if you don't agree with their choice in presidential candidate? No one ever said you had to! It isn't YOUR choice; it's theirs.

Isn't being a liberal supposed to be about supporting the freedom of choice and supporting of rights and freedom of expression? What happened to that? Since when did it become about mockery and belittling those who don't agree with what you think? Don't you realize you're behaving WORSE than the people you supposedly dislike? Good grief, people, open your damn eyes and look in the mirror once in a while; you're becoming everything you once claimed to be against. No, you aren't becoming it. You HAVE become it, and over what? An election? Some pictures on the Internet? Way to stick to your values, opinions, morals and beliefs. Really showing your integrity, man, I tell ya - or rather, your lack thereof.

The U in the United States has vanished. We aren't United anymore. We've never been more divided. It's sad, and it's pathetic, and it's a testament to the level of immaturity and prejudice (racial, religious and political) that runs rampant in our country - as well as the level of ignorance to see that instead of tearing one another down for our differences, we should be looking at what we have in common and building each other up off of that foundation.

No one person can make America great again, especially not when so many individuals in this country are making it worse every single minute. It will take a unified effort to make this country great. And for that to happen, these lines in the sand have to vanish. Sadly.. I don't see that happening any time soon, not with so many people having their heads up their asses.

Chronic Life - Why I Refer To Us As Warriors

It's easy for some to look at someone with chronic illness and see a normal person. Unless the person needs some sort of assistance device that can't be easily (or not so easily, but still manageably) hidden, the majority of us look perfectly healthy on the outside. In fact, those of us who've suffered chronic illness for extended periods have often made this our goal - to perfect the mask of normalcy. We learn to smile and look happy regardless of the amount of pain we're in, or how exhausted we are. We learn how to cover the dark circles under our eyes and the paleness of our faces with makeup so we don't look more dead than alive (and that isn't hyperbole.) Those of us with the tendency to bruise easily have outfits for all seasons that can easily hide bruises on our arms and legs that crop up just from leaning against something - hell, I've bruised just from someone gently patting my arm, before.


"You don't look sick" is something we all have heard at least once, and infuriating as it is to hear, oft times it's also our goal. We don't want to be judged, labeled, looked down upon, pitied for our illnesses. We want to get through our outing as efficiently and quickly as possible so we can get home and collapse upon the nearest flat surface in a mixture of pain and exhaustion, so worn out by something so simple that we often wonder if there isn't some sort of vampire attached to our necks draining our life force away every time we move with a group of invisible friends attacking every aching part of our bodies; and that's just the simple stuff.


The more complex stuff is... Well, more complicated. For many of us with digestive issues, even eating is a huge undertaking - we have to think about what we eat, because eating the wrong thing can have us doubled over in pain or so bogged down in added fatigue that the rest of our spoons will be used up for the day, and for some, eating the wrong thing can be deadly. In my case, eating -anything- often sends me to the bathroom within ten to fifteen minutes of my last bite; I have irritable bowel. It doesn't matter what I eat, portions of it just go on a fast track straight through. TMI? Probably, but it's a fact of life for myself and many others with the syndrome. Then there are the days I'm terrified to eat at all because my IBS is acting up so severely that even before I eat I can barely dare to let the bathroom door leave my sight, so how can I even think about adding fuel to that fire?


People with diseases like celiac or Crohn's or any other number of digestive diseases have a lot of dangers they face as well; in their case, whole sections of their intestines can become necrotic and need removed. Many of them wind up needing colostomy bags, at some point, from having to have so much of, if not their entire, colon removed.


Our bodies are at war with themselves every second of every day, yet on the outside, we look just like anyone else. That's the curse of the invisible illness. Then again, if we looked how we felt, people would be clamoring to rush us off to the hospital. For the overwhelming majority of us, our conditions are life-long, and most are progressive. For the conditions that aren't, often times other conditions will arise to make life even more hellish.


This is why I refer to people with chronic illnesses as Chronic Illness Warriors. We ARE warriors. We're fighting a war every day. With ourselves, with society, sometimes even with our doctors.


I know I touch upon a lot of men's issues lately, but really, men especially have a problem when it comes to chronic pain, namely with diagnosing conditions like fibromyalgia in which the majority of sufferers are women; most doctors won't even think to check a man for fibromyalgia trigger points, and men can be more hesitant about going to the doctor for things like chronic pain due to fear of seeming weak or less like "a man" thanks to cultural and societal expectations of masculinity. Men are expected to be strong and to just tough pain out. Same for fatigue. They'll generally figure they're just worn out from work or what have you, and aching from over-doing something at the gym or on the job, not putting two and two together to bring up to their doctor. It usually isn't until something REALLY goes wrong that they go in to the doctor, and in the cases of conditions like Crohn's or Lupus, amongst others, this can be extremely bad. Lupus is an autoimmune condition that tends to attack the internal organs, often the kidneys first; by the time it's progressed to the point you realize you have a kidney problem, treatment has to be aggressive. A former friend didn't even realize he had Crohn's until he nearly asphyxiated on blood in his sleep. He thought he just had IBS or something similar and shrugged it off. So, gents, please, if you have aches and pains, especially out of the blue, do some research. Check yourself for Fibromyalgia trigger points - it could well be that Fibro is more common in men than current statistics show, it just isn't diagnosed. If you're coming up positive for the trigger points, talk to your doctor, ask him or her for a referral to a rheumatologist if they aren't knowledgeable about Fibromyalgia. But I'm asking - no, begging - you... Please, take your health seriously. Don't try to be tough and all.. Alpha male. If something doesn't feel right, get checked out if you can do so. Catching these things early can make all the difference; it can mean getting the right treatments, or at the very least starting the process of finding the right treatments through trial and error. Often times, there is a lot of testing involved which is time consuming in and of itself. But if it turns out to be nothing more than a strain or sprain... At least you know. Stay on top of your health. Don't assume you're bulletproof, and don't feel like you're being weak or a whiner for going to the doctor because something hurts. That's what they're there for. You're just being proactive in your healthcare, and there is absolutely nothing wrong or weak in that. In fact, I'd say there's nothing MORE manly than having the strength and courage to get checked out and take care of your health, even if it turns out to be nothing, regardless of what BS society wants to try to make you believe.


The truth of it is, chronic illnesses attack everyone, regardless of age or sex, and we're all warriors, fighting battles unseen by society and by all but our closest friends and family... And even they often don't understand what we're going through. The only people who truly do understand are others who are experiencing it. They're the only ones who CAN understand. For healthy, able-bodied people, pain is temporary; it's impossible for them to TRULY conceive much less at all relate to pain that never fully goes away, at all, ever. This isn't their fault, it truly isn't, it's just a shortcoming of the human brain.


The fatigue... For most people, when they hear 'fatigue' they just think 'tired,' but it's so much more than that. Most people can relate to being exhausted. But they can go to sleep and wake up feeling better. They, again, can't relate to being exhausted, going to sleep, and waking up as exhausted or even more exhausted than when they went to sleep. But it's more than simply exhaustion; it's not just being tired, it's weakness, too, in the muscles and limbs, and a slowing of cognition. Tasks take us longer, our memory is faulty (I know very few people with chronic fatigue that don't have post-it notes or a notebook on hand at all times), we often forget what we're doing in the middle of doing it! And sometimes, by the time we're even close to being halfway done with a chore that isn't even very strenuous such as folding laundry, we have to stop and rest because our bodies just can't handle it anymore. We miss out on family gatherings, on fun occasions, hell, even appointments with doctors because we're simply too worn out to go. The curse of chronic fatigue is to attempt to wave at your life as it passes you by while you lay curled up in a bed or on the couch trying to give your body the rest it so desperately needs but cannot acquire.


To be honest, for me personally, my conditions would be easy as hell to deal with if it was just pain. I can manage my pain through coping skills and medications. But the fatigue on top of it is what makes it unmanageable. There's no prescription that will allow my body to achieve truly restful sleep and let it heal like a normal person's body would in a restful state. Sleep aids are often ineffective in treating chronic fatigue syndrome and most of them are habit forming, so even if they DO help in the short term (most of them don't help long term, even if they do short term) when you finally need to come off of them, your body will be so used to the medication helping it sleep, it can't get to sleep without it! So you then have to begin a weaning process which can take variable lengths of time, and is incredibly irritating and frustrating to go through.


I really do wish I could be like everyone else; out there working a shitty job for shitty pay so I could pay shitty bills and complain about all of the things everyone else complains about that I would LOVE to have to complain about. But... I don't. What I have to complain about... Only other Spoonies and really old people understand. Morning stiffness, achy joints and muscles, migraines, the inconsistencies of speed and comfort of motor scooters in stores, non-handicap people parking in handicap spaces - or even worse, in the striped zone beside them (SERIOUSLY STOP FUCKING DOING THAT!!! THAT'S FOR PEOPLE ON CRUTCHES OR IN WHEELCHAIRS TO BE ABLE TO GET IN AND OUT OF THEIR VEHICLE, ASSCLOWN!) - the cost of prescriptions and medical bills, how weird some of my latest test results are, how many pills I have to take every day just to have a semi-livable life...


Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for what I do have. I know I could have it so much worse. But I'm also so incredibly..... Angry, and I suppose bitter, sometimes, when I see people complain about the things I would love to have to complain about because they don't realize how incredibly fortunate they are to HAVE those things to complain about. They take it for granted, completely. Sure, your job sucks. Sure, your pay is shitty. Sure, you have tons of student loan debt. But you -get to have a job.- You -get to go to school.- I don't. I can't manage it. Either thing. I've tried. It's too much, between the pain and the fatigue, and you have no idea how much I would love to have a shitty, stupid job at a fast food joint or answering phones somewhere, or going to school even if it meant I would have tons of debt to pay off. Or making a car payment or being stuck in traffic, because then I'd have a car and I'd be able to drive, and I could rock out to my favorite music while being stuck in that traffic that I can't do anything about anyway. Or paying rent/making a house payment... Because then I'd have my own place, and not be living at home with my parents.


If you're a healthy, able-bodied person, and you're reading this and have gotten this far... Please don't take this as me trying to guilt you. I'm not. Nor am I trying to have a pity party here. But, do me...and every Spoonie out there (especially the ones who are severely disabled), a favor. Look around you, and be grateful for what you have... Get up, run around a minute or two - literally run; most of us can't do that. Don't do it because I'm asking... Do it because I can't. Do it for me... And be thankful for that ability... But most importantly. Never take anything for granted. Not a single thing. Because chronic illness can strike at any moment, at any age, for any or no reason. I pray it never strikes you, Normie, I truly do.


But, if it does, the Spoonies are here for you. We are. We're a community - a culture, really, all of our own - that bands together to support and help one another, to help educate each other, to be there for each other. We'll be there for you, too, should a sleeping beast rear its ugly head. So never be afraid, and never feel like you're alone. I promise you, you aren't, and you never will be. We're here. We're strong, even in our weakest moments, we're strong. We're strong enough to help each other to our feet when we've fallen to our knees and feel we can't move another step. The Spoonie community has helped me so much, most without even realizing it. We'll be there for you should you ever need us, just like we're here for each other.


To my fellow Spoonies;
Thank you for being who you are. You probably don't hear that very much, if at all. So I'm telling you that now. You have so much strength, and so much courage, even if it doesn't feel like it. Just getting moving at all during the day takes so much of both of those things, I know it does, and you shouldn't undervalue that. Don't sell yourself short. Thank you for every Spoonie meme you share, for everything you post on Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, and Facebook that makes me smile, that makes me laugh, and that makes me nod with a smirk of agreement as I deeply relate to the sentiment. Knowing you're there, knowing you understand, and knowing I'm not alone... It's one of the most powerful feelings in the world. It's what keeps me going on the days I don't have anything left in my tank to keep my engine plugging along. You do. You keep me going. You're there, reading my blog right now, maybe, or seeing something I posted somewhere along the way on one of my accounts somewhere. We're connected, thanks to the Internet. I won't disappear. I promise you. I'll never give up this fight. I'll never give in. I'll always keep fighting in this never-ending war, and it's thanks to every one of you. I don't know who you are, I don't know your names or what you look like, but you keep me going, and I care deeply about you. Don't ever think for one second that no one cares; I do. I always will. Always. I'll never stop caring, and I'll never stop hoping and praying for pain and fatigue free days for you, and a cure for every single one of us, and, as always, maybe just a couple of more spoons, for a bit of fun, every now and again.

Take care, everyone, keep being who you are; love yourselves, even if you hate your body for what it's doing to you... Love the soul and mind within it - it's beautiful.

This Has To Stop

This post isn't going to be pleasant for many people, in fact, it's probably going to cause some butt hurt, but I really don't give a damn. Strap in, people, because this is going to get bumpy.
People have made posts about racism before, in fact, nothing has been more widely discussed. However, typically it's racism against particular groups - namely white people or African Americans (or is black PC now? I don't know; you tell me. I don't normally give a damn about PCness [that almost sounds like penis] but for once, I'm actually curious.) - and while this will touch on that a bit, this is about something else entirely, and will expand from there.


A family friend has a... We'll go with "cultural" name. At her workplace, she has faced sneers and derision, asking where she's from, where she was born, 'that's not an American name!' Etc. This woman was not only born in America, both of her parents are American as well. Her name is of Palestinian/Jordanian origin, which most people just throw under the "Arab" umbrella, but she was born and raised right here in the US of A. Since the shootings in Orlando, hell, since 9/11, the amount of racism and derision she has faced has been disgusting. Yes, she is Muslim, though she doesn't fully practice the religion beyond observing some of its laws such as not eating pork, etc. She doesn't wear a hijab, she to my knowledge doesn't pray five times a day, and there is nothing beyond her name and perhaps to an educated eye her skin tone and appearance that would make one even remotely assume she was of Middle-Eastern descent.


Her response to our shock at what she has faced is little more than "I'm used to it" in attitude. She shouldn't be. Just because someone is Middle-Eastern in heritage or name does not make them a terrorist, it does not mean they weren't born right here in America, it does not mean they aren't American, and it doesn't mean they're a Muslim - but even if they are a Muslim, that also does not mean they're a terrorist, either.


 Muslims outnumber any other people of religion on this planet. In truth, if they wanted everyone dead, we would be. Every religion has its radicals, every religion has its whack jobs. That does not mean that the majority agrees with their views. That does not mean that the minority reflects upon the majority. I will forever stand with the Muslims who follow the peaceful teachings of their religion, just as I stand with the Christians who follow the teachings of love and peace of Christ, though Christians slaughtered Muslims in scores during the Crusades. No religion has its hands clean. Every religion has spilled blood. Every religion has radicals, even today. Stop letting the media turn you against literally a billion plus people for the actions of less than .0001% of them.


Yes, I am aware there are passages of the Quran that preach against infidels and preach war and the like. But the very same can be found in the Old Testament of the Bible. For Christians out there, are you aware that Jesus is considered a prophet in Islam? And that Muslims are, by law of their religion, to obey the teachings of their prophets? Are you also aware that Allah is simply the Arabic word for "God" and Jews, Christians and Muslims all worship the same God? Ignorance is what is fueling the hate and religious war that is going on right now, and the more the western world screams about their hatred of Islam, the easier you're making it on terrorist cells to go "Look at how they hate our religion! Look at how they hate us!" You're actually adding fuel to their fire, to their propaganda, making it easier for them to corrupt and recruit young minds to their cause. But you can't see that because you are so horribly blinded not only by what the media and politicians are throwing out but by your own prejudice.


People, this has to stop! It has to! Hate has to stop. I know that sounds naïve and like a pipe dream, to think that hate can end. But it can. It really can. All you have to do... Is stop doing it. Stop judging people based on the color of their skin, or their hair, or their eyes, or their bone structure. Stop judging people based upon their religion. Stop judging people based upon their political affiliation. Stop getting so worked up by the media and what it tells you to like or dislike, who or what to hate. What is or isn't wrong. You know in your heart, no, in your SOUL, what is or isn't wrong. Love your fellow human, no matter the color of their skin or their religion or their political party. Love them even if you think they're fucking morons! Love them even if they piss you off! Don't get angry back, don't respond to hate with hate. Respond to hate with love, with compassion, with kindness.
Hate is a sickness, it's a disease that's running rampant in our world because it's such a very easy thing to do. It's so very easy to hate people. It's so very easy to look at someone and hate them for who they are or what they're doing or what they're saying. The hardest thing is to love them even though everything they believe, or stand for, goes against everything YOU believe or stand for. But my God if we could do that... If every person could do that.. Could love, could forgive, could just let others lead their lives and be who they are without judgment, without condemnation, without vitriol and hatred, there would be world peace. Legitimate, lasting world peace. There would be no reason for war, because people would refuse to kill those they love.


Eliminating racism is the first step. Don't look at someone's name or skin tone and see they're Middle-Eastern and automatically assume they're a terrorist or not American, even if they don't speak English fluently - some people are born here in America but speak English as a second language because they spoke their mother tongue in their home growing up. Don't look at an African American and assume they're going to mug you or shoot you, or break into your home or what have you, or that they're living off of welfare because they're too lazy to get a job. Don't look at a white person and assume they're privileged, that they have it easy, that they have a good job and a good life and everything just slides over to them on a silver platter. Don't look at an Asian and assume they can't speak English or that they work in a nail salon, or that they automatically speak/read/write whatever language their ancestors did. Don't look at a Hispanic person and assume they do yard work, or work at Home Depot, or that they're an illegal immigrant.


I could go on but you get the idea. Stop assuming based off of heritage, off of race. Look deeper than that. Get to know the person. Know them for who they are, not where they or their parents came from. And if they DID immigrate and are legal citizens? Congratulate them! If they're illegal? See if you can do anything to help. It costs something like $30,000 to become a legal citizen in the United States. Most people who come here are trying to provide a better life for their children, or are fleeing terrorism or oppression, and many of them can only bring what they can carry and have very limited funds. Many of the illegal citizens WANT to be legal. (Don't give me some BS anecdotal evidence; statistics outweigh your anecdotes.) Hell, they have to pay taxes anyway, regardless of the lies you've been told about that. (Seriously, do legit research. They do.)


The Statue of Liberty says "Bring us your tired, your hungry, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." Yet American citizens seem to be screaming "CLOSE THE DAMN DOORS!" And that is so sad, and so completely un-American. We're a melting pot, we have always been a melting pot. We need to help each other, and hold each other up, not beat each other down. So what if the guy/gal beside you isn't a legal American? (Also, stop assuming it's only Hispanics that are illegal citizens; there are a lot of people of other "races", even white people[e.g. Scandinavian, German, etc], that are illegals) That doesn't mean they're any less deserving of your help, or mine.


In fact, if you're so concerned about their legal status, help them achieve it. Put yourself in their shoes for five minutes. Think about what may have drove them to come here illegally, only to find out the overwhelming amount of money they need to become legal citizens. How heartbreaking would that be, to come for a better life, to reach for the American Dream, only to find out it's just as far out of your reach in the country as it was outside of it?


Do you see my point here? We need to help each other; we need to stop worrying so much about what country someone is from, or whether they're "legal" and start worrying so much more about one simple thing. "Caucasian" isn't a race. "Hispanic" isn't a race. "Asian" isn't a race. "Arab" isn't a race. These are simply heritages. We are all one race - HUMAN. We need to focus on that, we need to help each other, we need to love each other, to protect each other, to care for each other, to tear down all of these stupid ass words we use to define each other by that we then use to discriminate whether it's sex, sexual orientation, gender - these are important for one's identity, yes, but in the grand scheme of things, the one main focus needs to be on the pure and simple fact we are all purely human. We need to respect that. Fuck everything else.


We. Are. Human.


Love each other.


Respect each other.


Help each other.


Care for each other.


Have some compassion, some empathy, for the suffering and the struggles of your fellow human regardless of where they live, or what they look like, or what they believe or think.


Listen not with your ears, not with your mind, but with your heart, and with your soul. Let them lead you, and the world will truly be a better place; and isn't that, really, the goal in life? To leave this world in a better place than which we entered it? I've always felt that it was... And unfortunately, in my nearly 30 years... It's only gotten worse. I do what I can for my small part of the world, and to reach out with the Internet to help those that I can when and where and how I can. I only hope that in some way... This causes a ripple in the pond that will become a wave. We must be the change we wish to see... And it starts with one person.

You.

Book Review: June by Miranda Beverly-Wittemore

Try as I might to read and enjoy June, I spent the better part of the entire month of June - how's that for irony? - trying to get through the book and I just couldn't do it. It was too slow paced, the characters were either too cliche or too strange and too cliche, and the story felt, overall, more of the same ol', same ol'. 

Maybe some day I'll be able to get through June, and if I do I'll try to update this review. But until then, the poor dear only gets half a star from me for the book itself - the front cover was beautiful, the back cover was a bit vague in its description, but overall, I enjoyed the cover more than the book.

I received this book from the Blogging for Books program in exchange for this honest and unbiased review.

The Importance of Decompressing

I know lately my blog has been pretty ranty, and rightly so, really, but right now I want to change things up just a bit. This is a post that's so, so very important, not just for people with chronic illness or mental illness, but for everyone. That's right, everyone. Healthy people, disabled people, people with mental illness, without mental illness, whatever. Everyone can benefit from this post, and honestly, if you found it helpful at all by the end, or agree that it's important, I heavily urge you to share it - not for my benefit or popularity or anything narcissistic like that, but to help other people.

Everything in the world right now is so insanely stressful. It really is. Especially for people who watch the news on the television (I don't; more on that in a bit) or constant surf news websites and/or read newspapers. It seems that the news is 0.01% good news and 99.99% bad news. It's all murder, mayhem, and violence. It's utter carnage. Everywhere. I had to stop watching because it would make me so depressed that I could barely function; it made me believe that there was literally nothing good left in the world, and that the world was going to hell in a hand basket. While to an extent it is, there is still so much good out there, there truly is, but that isn't what the media reports because they would rather stir up the fear, the animosity, etc. At any rate, life is so full of stress for everyone, between the state of the world, politics, work (if you do), relationships (if you're in one), family life (if you have one), well, you get the idea. Then you have the commute to and from work for those that work, which in and of itself is full of its own stresses, and for those who work at home (whether it's a work from home job or being a housewife/househusband) the stress is there constantly, no matter what, and believe me, being a housewife is stressful even if you don't have children. Stress will bog you down and drag you down and make you so irritable and tightly wound that it begins to overflow into everything you do and say without you even realizing it!

Then you have the added stressors of tragic events like the Orlando shooting, or political uphevals like the EU Referendum, what have you, that add further emotional and mental stress into our lives even if we aren't directly involved. While I myself lost two friends in the Orlando shooting, many people were affected by it who knew no one involved simply out of empathy, and as for the EU Referendum, those of us in other countries know what sort of repercussions votes like that can have, both politically and economically, and we thus empathize with the citizens of the U.K. And worry for their future regardless of the outcome of the vote.

Then you can tack on personal added stressors of unforeseen events like car accidents, storm damage to one's vehicle or home, flooding damage, personal injuries, a death in the family, a break up with a significant other... You get the idea here as well. Stress. Is. Everywhere!!!!!

So, what do we do when we want to relax? Well, if you're like the majority of the population these days, you pop onto the computer and get on, say, Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr, whatever. Bad. Idea. Very bad idea. The second you get on any of these, you're flooded with more stressors. Political posts, ideological posts, tragedy posts, stress pretty much starts stabbing you in the eyes, but because you tell yourself it's relaxing time, you trick yourself into thinking you're relaxing when in reality, you're just adding on more stress! Think about it, how often do you get into a debate or argument with someone on the Internet; do you really think that's relaxing? How often do you see a post or meme that irritates or angers you? A story that makes you sad or otherwise upset? This is all added stress! All of it!

While it is important to be up to date with the goings on of the world, it's equally as important to take care of yourself; stress levels today are at record highs and in fact the daily stress of the average high school student, never mind adult, would have had them committed to a psych ward in the 1950s. No joke. Is it any real wonder why so many people are suffering from stress-related depression and anxiety and why so many people are on medications to treat it?

But the truth is... People suffering from stress-induced mental problems don't actually need the medications, they just need to learn how to eliminate stress from their life. I know, I can hear you doing that sarcastic scoff laugh right through my ipad. I've done the same many times when I've read 'eliminate stress' to help reduce chronic pain and Fibro flares. But then I started learning how to eliminate unnecessary stress and holy cow did it work wonders not only for my physical well being but for my mental state as well. How did I do it? Well, let me give you a handy list of some tips and ideas for you to get off the ground with.

Unplug - Stay away from social networking and news websites and skip watching the news on TV. Instead, put on some relaxing music and read a book, watch a favorite movie or TV show, or play a video game.

Unwind - Try a good bath or shower, not just for getting clean but to relax for a while. Give yourself a break to just unwind and decompress after your stressful day.

Decompress - Set aside 30 minutes to an hour of quite time just for yourself, by yourself. What you do during this time, whether you read, listen to soothing music, enjoy a nice cup of tea, or whatever, is up to you, but this is your time.

Indulge - Have a healthy sweet treat; I recommend dark chocolate covered berries or nuts! The endorphin boost is great and there are a lot of benefits to dark chocolate, but don't overdo it - your waistline won't thank you! If sweets aren't your thing, go for whatever your favorite comfort food is, but don't binge; just have a small amount to get that nice 'aaahhh' feeling.

Exercise - Cardio especially is great for this, but any form of exercise provides endorphins and helps relieve stress. Some varieties of yoga are great for relaxing, as well, without being too hard on beginners or people with joint or flexibility issues! Also, a nice evening walk (weather permitting) can be quite relaxing after a stressful day, especially if you can make it to a park or a forest walking trail and spend the time in nature.

Dance it out - One person dance parties are fantastic! Put on your favorite tunes and dance around like a goof ball! It may seem and sound silly, and really, it is, but being silly for the sake of being silly is not only fun, the exercise boosts your endorphins, helps eliminate stress, and the combination of the fun and your favorite music helps to change your mindset. If you have friends about that you can dance it out with, the more the merrier!

Social time - Socialize with people you can relax around, but avoid people who stress you out when you need to decompress.

Hopefully these tips will help, because honestly, decompressing is so important, and stress is getting out of control in society. So, give them a shot, and feel free to let me know if they help and how they work for you!

The Hypocrisy of Feminists (Generally Speaking)

The reason I included 'generally' in this title is because I have met and/or spoken to feminists who fall outside of this generalization, and am aware that there are exceptions to the rule. So yes, in a sense, I'm saying "#NotAllFeminists" here. This is out of respect for the feminists that have earned my respect.

That being said, by and large, the majority of feminists have yet to do this. The majority of feminists have become a toxic, cancerous plague upon society and social networks. Their hypocrisy knows no bounds. They claim they want equality, and turn around and complain at NDAA because they 'don't want equality like that.'  Or complain about women that are against feminism. Well, let me tell you something.

Just because there are people - male and female alike - against feminism doesn't mean they are against equality. Feminism is NOT for equality, and I don't care what dictionary definition you regurgitate, actions speak louder than words, and the feminist majority has spread nothing but misandry, racism (prejudice against white people IS STILL RACISM BY DEFINITION), misogyny, hate against CIS and straight people and even transphobia - namely against transwomen. Feminism has even excluded men from identifying as proper feminists - they can only be feminist allies. Then there's the whole "he for she" thing; feminism is all about promoting strong and independent women, yet it turns around and asks men for help? What?

If a person - especially a woman - states they are against feminism, they are bullied, they are harassed, they are threatened and mocked and belittled. They're insulted and told they should be raped, or beaten, or that they shouldn't have uteruses and aren't real women. I have faced so much bullshit because I identify as an egalitarian rather than a feminist, and truthfully, I've faced quite a lot of misogyny as well. Feminism claims to be against misogyny yet the very people who identify as feminists are throwing it around left and right! It's as though they feel women are only entitled to their opinions and rights if they identify as feminists and agree with the feminist ideology and dogma.  That isn't equality. That isn't equal rights. That's why so many refer to feminists as feminazis. That sort of attitude - agree with us or else - is the very same attitude that drove the Nazi party. Biased propaganda, burning books that disagree with your ideals, harassing and bullying and attacking those that disagree with you, that identify as something differently than you, that challenge your beliefs... Does that sound familiar?

Just because I'm a woman against feminism doesn't mean I'm against equality. It doesn't mean I'm against equal rights. It doesn't mean I'm uneducated or stupid. It means I disagree with the social cancer that is feminism. I am pro-equality; I fight for men and women alike. Men need help in so many areas and feminism has completely ignored that in favor of seeking out female privilege; women have had equal rights to men for many years, and while there were certain areas where they were oppressed, that isn't the case anymore. What you're seeking for "equality" is really just privilege, and trying to change the world to protect your thin skinned ass from anything that may make you even slightly uncomfortable. Well, guess what? The world is full of things that will make you uncomfortable regardless of your gender. Get used to it, and deal with it like a damn adult. Help people that really need it. Look into equal rights for men, look at how they're genuinely oppressed and how the system is legitimately biased against them. Fight for them, if you are really for equality. They need your help, and so do many others.

Stop with the hypocrisy, stop attacking women just because they don't identify as feminists; they aren't your enemy. If you can't co-exist with non-feminists, you aren't for equality; everyone should have the right to their own opinion and ideals, their own choice to how they identify, in an equal society. If you oppress people who differ from you, you aren't for equality; period.

Triggering - What It Is, Isn't, and Why It Isn't A Bad Thing

(EDIT: Fixed autocorrect of psychologist to psychiatrist... It was meant to be psychologist. Stupid iPad.)

Good day to you lovely person, whomever and wherever you are! First and foremost, allow me to open by stating that I am a mostly-recovered PTSD sufferer (I still occasionally have flashback-nightmares, but this is normal) and suffer from anxiety, bipolar affective disorder and depression (Yes, it is possible to have depression while also being bipolar.) All of these conditions have been diagnosed by doctors and psychologists, the latter of which aren't looking to just throw pills at me as psychologists cannot prescribe prescription medications.

That being said, it's time to discuss the over abundance of the usage of the word "trigger." Anymore, people are using it to describe any negative emotion, emotional discomfort (or physical discomfort brought on by emotional discomfort), etc. That is not what triggering is. At all. Triggering is, specifically, when a symptom of a diagnosed mental illness is provoked by specific subject matter. Got that down? Good! Now, let's move on to emotional discomfort in general - we'll get back to triggering later - and other negativities and why they aren't bad things.

When you experience negative emotion and emotional discomfort, sure, it's unpleasant and everyone would prefer to avoid it, but realistically, that isn't possible - and it isn't healthy. You need to experience negative emotion to have a healthy emotional balance and to grow emotionally and as an individual. People born with disabilities and mental illnesses that stunt their emotional spectrum often have extreme difficulty fitting into society due to this lack of growth as a person; they can't relate and empathize as well with others. Experiencing negative emotion can also be cathartic - have you ever watched a movie that made you cry your eyes out, and found yourself feeling better later on than you had in days or even weeks? It hits an emotional release valve and allows you to feel and express emotions that you had been keeping closed off.

Now, on to triggers, and why they aren't bad. The primary healing factor in recovering from my PTSD was... Exposing myself to triggers. In fact, that is the primary course of non-medication therapy. Exposure to triggers, be it with anxiety or PTSD, is like drawing venom from a wound. Or, for another analogy, like hitting the same spot over and over until it eventually goes numb. Yes, it's painful, and it sucks, and it's the hardest thing you're going to do. But avoiding triggers is literally the worst thing you can do for your mental health unless otherwise specified by your mental health professional!! There was a time where looking at a stranger much less touching them would have my anxiety so incredibly triggered I wouldn't be able to catch my breath from how hard my heart was racing, and I would be dizzy from not only the loss of oxygen but from the shift in blood pressure. Now? The past two weeks in a row I've gotten my nails done - basically spending about an hour holding hands with someone I've never looked at before much less met, talking with them and joking around, laughing, etc. Trigger exposure has done that for my anxiety. I still have anxiety attacks from time to time, but typically they have to do with my health or with conflict going on around me.

More and more evidence is flooding into the mental health community that trigger exposure is highly beneficial in recovery from PTSD and treatment of anxiety with, of course, consultation with your mental health provider. Avoiding triggers isn't the way to go, it's the opposite of trying to help yourself, it's hiding from the problem, it's in fact letting your mental illness control you, and avoiding true recovery/treatment and help. It's time to stop hiding. It's time to stop telling the world to change because you have a problem when in reality you're telling the world to change because a problem has you. Take control of the problem. You have the strength, you have the ability, and you have the tools to do it. So do it.

"I Want Equality, But Not Like This!"

So as many of you are aware, the US Senate recently passed a bill called the National Defense Authorization Act - or NDAA - that will, if reconciled with a House bill, require women turning 18 on or before January 1st of 2018 to register to be drafted in the event of a draft, just as men have done since the Selective Service act was put into place in 1917. It has caused one hell of an uproar. I see tweets and tumblr posts all over the place of women proclaiming, "I want equality/equal rights, but not like this!"

Well, honey, let me lay this out really simply for you.



If you don't want to be treated exactly like men, you don't want equality, you want privilege.

This bill has brought the true guise of feminism to the forefront once and for all. Women are screaming about how their daughters shouldn't be forced to do this, while their sons and fathers have been buying their rights to vote with a blank check to the government payable up to and including their life should said government decide to cash it since 1917. You can't pick and choose what you get when it comes to equality. You can't. If it isn't cool for your daughters, it isn't cool for your sons, either. If you want to throw a fit, then don't throw a fit over the NDAA bill, throw a fit over the Selective Service act as a whole, otherwise all you're saying is, "We want privilege, not equality. You can have all of the drawbacks, treat me like a pampered princess because I have a uterus."

This should not be something you are angry over. In fact, this is something that, if feminism was truly FOR equality, should be regarded as a monumental and historic victory. FINALLY, for the first time since 1917, women are regarded as equals to men in the respect of the draft. No longer are our men alone in having to sign off on saying "ship me off to war, Uncle Sam!" So they're allowed to vote. No, finally, there is equality. This is a victory for equality. But there is no celebration. There's outrage.

For once, I can say thank you to our Senate for revealing the overwhelming hypocrisy that is feminism. You don't want to be equal. You don't want to be treated equally to men. You want to be treated like women, with all of the privilege of men, yet all of the kid gloves that society has always demanded women be treated with. Doors opened for you, chairs pulled out, no need to be shipped out for war in a draft, let the menfolk go and die for you while you sit safe and sound getting your hair done and your manicures bitching about man spreading and the mythical wage gap. Rarely do I say this in sincerity to any individual, rarely am I so incensed that I truly mean these words out of disgust and outrage... But now, I do. Fuck. You. You are a bunch of lying hypocrites who want nothing more than preferential treatment.

This is why I am a woman against feminism. This is why I am an egalitarian. This is why I will forever fight for TRUE EQUALITY. True equality isn't about getting preferential treatment because I have tits and a uterus, true equality isn't sitting around bitching and whining and making shit up to complain about via biased statistics that I don't even fucking bother to fact check because God forbid I become disillusioned with the dogma I've been brainwashed with. True equality is just that - everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, EVERYFUCKINGONE, being treated the same. And I do. I treat everyone the same. I don't care if someone is being shitty to me, I don't care if it's a man or woman, a child or an adult, a disabled individual or an able-bodied individual. I treat everyone the same way; with kindness, with a smile, with good cheer and friendliness and compassion. Because goddammit, THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS.

I'm so fucking tired of two-faced assholes in this world saying they want one thing but when they get it they cry because it's not what they wanted after all because they didn't realize that there's ACTUALLY drawbacks to it! So much for all of that male privilege right?

You should go check out Arlington Cemetery sometime. Or Gettysburg. Antietam. There are so many places, historical sites, where men have shed blood on our own soil for the very rights you have to whine and bitch and moan about all of that male privilege they supposedly have. MEN died for that. Yes, there were female casualties too, typically nurses and civilians, but the overwhelming, breathtaking majority of people who have fought, bled, cried, sweat, and died for your rights, your privileges, your freedoms in this country have been men. They've been Navy, Air Force, National Guard, Marines (Semper Fi!), Army, and even the Coast Guard in some cases. And in some cases even their children have suffered for their service from radiation exposure in Japan during World War II and Agent Orange (amongst other colors) exposure in Vietnam and on the ships and planes that carried the chemicals. That shit altered their DNA and subsequently that of their children, leading to health and mental disorders; not to mention the PTSD of the combat veterans that went untreated for so long due to lack of knowledge of the disorder to properly treat it.

We all have so many men - and yes, I'm aware there were women too, and I'm not taking away from their contributions nor denying their service, however that isn't my point here - to thank for what we have. For everything we have. Yet all you ungrateful humans do with your freedoms is spit on men, an entire gender, simply because they're men. Simply because you perceive things that you feel are unequal and rather than working either better yourself or stand up for yourself to stop it from happening to you - or for fuck's sake just getting over yourself - you decide to tear apart an entire gender who has a menagerie of injustices of its own to deal with and overcome that you're completely, WILLFULLY, blind to.

I'm so sick of it, I really am. It's time to grow up, wake up, and start actually acting like a human rather than defining yourself and everyone else by what's between their legs; and most importantly, it's time to stop expecting the world to change just for you because something makes you uncomfortable. Everyone has things that makes them uncomfortable. Guess what? PEOPLE GET OVER IT. It's a part of life.

Step outside of your comfort zone of feminist propaganda and dogma and start researching and reading from unbiased sources. Start talking to people who AREN'T feminists, hear what they have to say with an open mind, be willing to listen and to learn, hear them out. You may just be surprised at what they have to say. Moreover, you may just be surprised at how much you didn't know.

Why I Am An Anti-Feminist (Please Read Before You Judge)

(Edited to fix typos; thank you to those who pointed them out. My phone likes to make me look like an idiot and I had no access to my computer when writing this post.) 

So, as many of you know, or at least suspect, I'm a woman. I'm 29. And while many of you have read my blogs and have seen my views, I have yet to properly "come out." This was, admittedly, partly out of fear and anxiety of being attacked as I have been many times before on various social media outlets for my views and opinions, and for stating this very thing that I am about to state. But, honestly, I'm done hiding because of my fear, and out of my mouth... well... fingers... come the four most dangerous words a person, especially a woman, can utter on the internet.

I am an anti-feminist. (Is that four words? Or five? I forget the grammar rules when it comes to hyphens. I digress.)

There are many people, women especially, who have attacked me for this statement. They have said I deserve to be beaten by my non-existent boyfriend. They say I deserve to be raped, though I am a rape survivor. They say without feminism I would not have the rights I have today (which is untrue, and if anyone properly studied the history of womens' rights without bias and without delving into works written solely by feminist authors, they would know this. I will expand upon this later.)


They claim that I only say this because I want men to like me. They treat me as though I am some great traitor to my sex, and they act as though I don't want equality simply because I not only reject the feminist label but am against the movement as a whole. None of this could be further from the truth.

First and foremost, I am an egalitarian. I believe in equality for all, regardless of the color of their skin, their socioeconomic class, their religion, their sex, their gender identity, their sexual orientation, their age, the degree of their physical health, and all other things by which one could, conceivably, measure what rights one may or may not under the law be entitled to. There are many who would claim feminism is for this very same thing. Perhaps those who claim this are. But feminism is not.

Feminism has done nothing, as a whole, especially within its culture on social networks, but push for female superiority over men. Women are already equal to men and have been for some time. Women have equal rights to men in the US, and in many ways, have more rights than men. How, you may ask? Allow me to give you some examples.

• Men are, at birth, subjected more often than not to genital mutilation; female genital mutilation is illegal in the United States.
• At the age of 18, men must buy their right to vote by signing up to be drafted at any given point should a draft arise. Women must do no such thing. 
• Men receive harsher punishment for crimes, even if the circumstances and crimes are exactly the same. Women have been found completely guilty of horrid crimes (such as statutory rape) and been allowed to walk free. No man would be allowed the same thing.
• By the FBI's definition, which was changed largely in part thanks to feminism, men can no longer be raped by women, as the definition of rape is now solely 'to be penetrated without consent.' The only way a woman could in fact rape a man, by law, is to sodomize him with a foreign object. Otherwise, she is guilty only of sexual assault, a far lesser crime in the eyes of the law.
• In many cases, men will lose custody battles for their children, even if they would be able to provide a better and more stable home for their children than the mother. Fathers get next to no rights. Furthermore, there is a wealth of help available for women who are having difficulties supporting themselves and their child/children, including free or low income housing. If a man cannot support his child, he goes to jail.
• Studies have been shown that women can be equally if not more physically and emotionally abusive in relationships than men, including relationships with reciprocal violence, and yet should the police be called, only the man would go to jail (unless the man has visible marks.) There are thousands of shelters for women who are victims of domestic violence, but only one - just one - in the entire country for men. 
• If a man does come forward about being abused or raped by a woman - oh, sorry, "sexually assaulted" by a woman - he faces being shamed, mocked, belittled, and flat out not believed by those he comes forward to and by his peers, far more so than even women. He is seen as weak, as a coward, and being as he is a man, how could he not want sex, right? Men are the victims of domestic violence equally as often as women, however they simply do not come forward for these very reasons. Women these days get believed more often than not. Men just get more abuse.
• Men can't really show their emotions - again with the shame, mockery, and belittlement. Sure, they can be angry, happy, et cetera. But heaven forbid they cry or be vulnerable in any way. Women don't really have this problem. 

These are just a few examples, flat off the top of my head. There are more that I've talked to many men about. Feminists often see men as the problem, see men - especially CIS white men - as having all the power, but really, they're victims of societal oppression and pressure as much as anyone. However when someone points this out, especially a woman, they get attacked, insulted, and harassed. In some cases their online accounts get hacked and shut down, and their personal information released such as their real name, phone number, and address, so they can be stalked and harassed offline. Instead of allowing opposing arguments, instead of allowing differing opinions, the general M.O. of feminism is censorship. No one is allowed to disagree with feminism without extreme repercussions, especially celebrities. They're bullied and harassed until they either apologize and withdraw their statements or do a sudden 180 and come out as feminists. 

The truth is, I'm not saying there aren't feminists that are genuinely pro-equality, that genuinely care about men's issues too. But ladies, you're a dying breed amongst the toxic, cancerous majority. I say ladies because amongst the majority of feminists, men cannot be feminists, they can only be allies of feminism. Do you see the problem with this? A movement that claims to be pro-equality that excludes an entire gender cannot be truly for equality.

This is usually the point in a conversation in which a feminist would whip out the dictionary definition of feminism, as if to say, "This is what the dictionary says(which, if you're using an actual dictionary it says it's a women's rights movement, not an equality movement, btw) and thus, you have to accept this as what the movement is about and completely ignore the actions of the movement that contradict it!" Well, funny thing about dictionary definitions. They don't mean shit when it comes to things like this if what the thing it's defining is doing something completely different. Communism, for instance, sounds nice in the dictionary. In practice? Not so much. Then you have the people who say you can't be racist against white people, just prejudice. Allow me to give you the definition of racism: "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based upon the belief that one's own race is superior." whereas a second definition more simplistically defines it as "racial prejudice or discrimination." Either way, it is very much possible to be racist toward white people, just as one can be racist toward any other color of skin. 

Feminism is growing more and more anti-male and anti-white, as though being white and being male are something to be ashamed of, something to be apologized for, and something one can control. Racism and sexism, and even misogyny are growing prevalent within the movement. Women who aren't feminists are bullied and attacked. They are treated as though they shouldn't have the right to their opinions. They are treated as though they shouldn't exist, or shouldn't be allowed to have a uterus. They are slandered and insulted, abused verbally and emotionally simply for being female and rejecting the label. That is misogyny through and through. 

The fact of the matter is, western feminism is wrapped up in so many first world problems it isn't even funny. Women in other countries, especially the Middle East and Africa, are dealing with problems like defending their families from terrorism, their daughters and themselves from gang rape. In some of these countries, fathers sell their young daughters after they've had their first periods to the man they get the best dowry from regardless of how he will treat her or how old he is so she can father his children, and in many cases after her first period, or, often, during, she's subjected to female genital mutilation, where her labia is cut off and her vagina is sewn shut to the size of a match stick and she is only able to painfully urinate one drop at a time through a mutilated urethra, often suffering multiple bladder and kidney infections throughout her lifetime because of this. Sex is extremely painful and childbirth more so. After birthing her child, her vagina is re-sewn to its match stick size to keep it tight for her husband. I use the term sewn loosely; in many areas, they puncture the skin with thorns and use plant material or homespun, thick thread to pull the skin tight. It isn't a surgical procedure in which we would know it here in our comfortable, safe world where we are protected from so many things we are so, so amazingly fortunate to not have to deal with and that we are safe from.

Yet here, women are bitching about "manspreading" while taking up 2-3 seats with themselves and their belongings. They're bitching about having to stand in line at public restrooms while men don't have to (could this be because men just use the bathroom and don't fix their makeup, hair, etc. while in there?) There are so many completely trivial issues that honestly do not matter that are being complained about that are 100% first world problems, and very few feminists care about global issues and care only about "issues" that bother only them. The "issues" I see women complaining about have nothing to do about rights and have everything to do with entitlement and infantilising women. 

To expand upon an earlier topic that I promised I would expand upon, the rights we women have have little to do with the suffragettes. First and foremost, these women were not feminists and would be outright appalled by modern feminism. These women were not one cohesive group working toward a common goal, but were multiple small groups or even individuals all working toward their own goals. Upper class women of their time already had more rights than many middle and lower class men; they could own property, they could get higher education, they could become physicians, teachers, etc. The reason they wanted more rights was because of the expansion of rights not only to those classes but to black people as well. They wanted to ensure they would have more rights than black men and women. Racism and classism heavily fueled their motives, and this has been well documented, and it's also hilariously easy to find quotes from these women of a strongly racist nature.

All of this plays into not only feminism today as what the movement conveniently leaves out or claims otherwise but its current trends echoing, in reverse, those of the suffragettes in the past. Instead of racism towards POC there is now racism toward white people. Now it has expanded even toward white people with disabilities, claiming that white people with disabilities are more powerful and have more rights and privileges than POC with disabilities, and how they figured that one is completely beyond me.

All of this has culminated in making me completely anti-feminist. I hadn't always been, but as I witnessed the growing toxicity, misandry, misogyny, and hypocrisy within the movement I disassociated. I refuse to associate myself with a movement that defines itself as being for equality yet seems intent on excluding others and taking away rights from them to give themselves more. Equality means all are equal. This seems to be "We want everyone to be equal, we just want to be a little more equal than everyone else."

I am and will always be an egalitarian, and I will always seek to help those whose voices aren't heard, whose rights are being infringed upon, and who both need and, most importantly want my help. The world doesn't revolve around me, nor my uterus. It doesn't revolve around anyone's genitals, however we cannot ignore that people are being oppressed because of the genitals they were born with. Taking from one and giving to another won't fix anything. Giving the same to everyone will. And most importantly, seeking to help those in countries where women are possessions, like cattle, and whose genitals are mutilated - and ceasing legal male mutilation here - is a step in the right direction.